Good veggie restaurant food?

This week is National Vegetarian Week. Don’t worry, I’m not going to bang on about it too much cause I know I’ve already done a bit of that on here. And as my lovely book club pal John says “don’t go on about being a veggie Jade - just do the funny stuff”.

But I have to give it a quick mention, and I may do so again later in the week. In fact, who am I kidding, I’ll definitely do so later in the week.

So what I want to tell you about today is a restaurant in Derby called The Wonky Table. I know the link is tenuous, but hey, so many of them are, and it’s not a supermarket!

The thing is, I love being a veggie and I love my food, but sometimes being a veggie and eating out can be a bit crap.

If I had a quid for every time I’ve rocked up to a restaurant with a bunch of friends and ended up with just one uninspiring choice on the menu, I’d be pretty rich. There is a reason it doesn’t take me long to decide what I want to eat - and that’s because usually I don’t have much choice. My pals will be umm-ing and ahh-ing as they weigh up the pros and cons of steak vs salmon, while I’m left staring at the one option of whatever the chef can be arsed to heat up for the token veggie.

And if I had a quid for every time I’ve had to politely pick at a veggie lasagne or stuffed peppers in a restaurant I’d be a millionaire. Don’t get me wrong - I LOVE homemade veggie lasagne, but it’s rarely that good when eating out. And stuffed peppers really are the booby prize. There is nothing nice about a bland old red pepper, warmed up and filled with rice or couscous. I mean, come on, being a veggie doesn’t mean I’ve had my tastebuds removed.

So that’s why The Wonky Table is so special, and deserves a special mention on this blog. I’ve just finished speaking to the owner, Holly, for this Friday’s Food You Can Trust feature, and she’s been telling me how the restaurant runs a monthly vegetarian night where they put on a five course meat-free taster menu.

And the most popular items on the menu then go on to feature on the restaurant’s a la carte menu for the rest of the month, meaning the veggie options at the Wonky Table have already been road-tested and given the thumbs up by a bunch of vegetarian diners.

The chefs do some innovative things for us veggies, including picking their own nettles for French-inspired nettle and potato soup, and going foraging with a bush craft expert. And local Derbyshire produce often gets a look-in.

So I guess the point I’m making is that it’s worth investigating meat-free options - even if you only do it occasionally, and there are people out there prepared to cater for us veggies.

Park Smarter? B******s

This morning I have mostly been experiencing a very severe case of Tourettes. 

Why? I've just been paying my parking charge that I picked up nearly two weeks ago for parking outside my favourite bakery in Chesterfield. It was the point at which my year without supermarkets began to become expensive - cue lots of joshing from my lovely friends and colleagues about how it's free to park at Asda.

And yes, I have left it nearly two weeks to deal with it. In the words of one of my favourite literary heroes of all time, 'for I thought it was a matter of some delicacy and requiring of immediate attention'.

Okay okay, I've been putting it off. But if I'd left it for a further 24 hours it would have risen from £35 to £70, which is just ridiculous for a loaf of bread, so this morning I tackled it.

The ticket directed me to a website called parksmarter.co.uk, which immediately got my blood boiling.

"Park smarter? PARK SMARTER?! Well you can just f*** off you smug-faced f******** t***** bunch of f******** t********* w********s," I hissed at my computer screen. Who wants to be told to park smarter while they're coughing up £35 for a two-minute stop to buy a loaf of bread. B******s.

Then of course I'm into one of those automated, click this box, accept these conditions, fill your address in here, oooooooh go back a space, you didn't fill in your email address, put your card details here, epic fail you forgot your three digit security number, faffing about.

And of course I was swearing at my laptop like a sailor at sea the whole time. At one point the cat trotted in, meowing in alarm as I reeled off a string of obscenities, to see what all the fuss was about.

But she headed out of the cat-flap in disgust when I broke out the dreaded (and most unladylike) C-word after being asked to complete a short survey on my customer satisfaction experience after making my payment...... "Satisfied? SATISFIED?!! Why you.........."

I then ramped my anger levels up further by paying for my tax disk online immediately afterwards.

And it's not as if my car even deserves this kind of money spending on it. For the last couple of months we've not been getting on because its been giving me electric shocks every time I get out of it. I don't know what its problem is, but every time I step out onto the pavement after a drive and try to close the door it zaps me.

My neighbours must think I'm crackers, because I've taken to easing myself out of the driver's seat really carefully, then standing on the tarmac glaring at the car with a mixture of fear and trepidation before extending a single, trembling finger and very gingerly trying to tap the door closed, then jumping back with a squeal as it shocks me and hopping about in the road in annoyance.

So there we go. The combination of my evil car, a nice loaf of bread and avoiding Tesco has cost me £150 this morning and I'm not a happy camper.

20 things to do in the supermarket

Well it had to happen eventually. After writing 135 blog posts about avoiding the supermarkets (some admittedly more tenuous that others) today I've completely ran out of steam. I've not been near any shops all weekend, I'm quite tired, I'm just beginning a Sunday evening graveyard shift at work, and I really don't have anything to say.

So in a fit of desperation I've turned to Google, and after typing in a few random supermarket-based searches, I've found several dozen lists of things to do in the supermarket to annoy other customers. You know the type - "50 funny things to do in Asda" etc.

So I've put together a compilation of the best below......

1, Find a fat person with loads of fizzy drinks in their trolly, wait until they aren't looking, and then shake up all the bottles. Hope they will have a drink as soon as they've paid.

2, Set up a bowling alley using pineapples for pins. Watermelons make good bowling balls.

3, Walk around the store talking loudly into a banana, as if on a mobile phone.

4, Position a shopping trolly in the middle of an aisle, get into it, and pretend to fall asleep.

5, Scatter several packets of paracetemol tablets onto the floor then lie down amongst them and pretend to be unconscious.

6, Fill your trolly full of lamb chops and then push it round singing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' really loudly.

7, Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the fresh meat counter.

8, Pick up a fresh bread roll, take it over to the dairy aisle and make yourself a cheese sandwich. Then take it to the checkout to pay and tell the cashier you put extra mayo on it.

9, Burst all the family bags of Dorritos.

10, Try to buy one grape.

11, Pay in pennies.

12, Take photos of men putting feminine hygiene products into their carts. Tell them they'll be able to download their photos at spinelesshenpeckedfairies.co.cuk

13, Go to the clothes section and request a consultation with a personal stylist.

14, Make a trail of orange juice across the floor, leading to the bathrooms.

15, Walk up to complete strangers and say "hi, I haven't seen you in ages". See how long you can keep the conversation going.

16, Put a pair of women's pants from the clothes department onto your head, then walk around the store really casually.

17, Move the 'caution, wet floor' signs to carpeted areas.

18, Randomly throw things over into neighbouring aisles.

19, Sit down at an empty checkout and then try to check people out, but say all the "blips" yourself, really loudly.

20, Make up nonsense products and then ask supermarket staff to direct you to them. "Do you have any woopsiebops here?"

Hello to my new adult fanbase!

After months of totting up somewhere between 200-500 readers a day for this blog, my audience figures leapt to a staggering 4,000 a couple of days ago, which as you can imagine filled me with great jubilation.

Until I discovered where they were coming from....

As previously mentioned, the Derby Telegraph's editor Neil White is my blogging guru as he writes his own rather successful blog Every Film. So I trotted into his office yesterday to crow about my success.

"4,000 HITS IN JUST ONE DAY," I boasted as I stuck my head around his door.

"That's brilliant," he replied. "And by the way, that skirt is too short. Now have you had a look at where they are coming from?"

Turns out that Blogger offers you a number of clever little features which show you exactly where your audience is coming from, including which countries (I'm popular in America weirdly) and referring websites, such as Facebook and Twitter.

So Neil helpfully came over to my desk to look over my shoulder and show me how to use these features to find out why I was suddenly so popular.

"Look," he pointed out. "There's a website here that is referring thousands of people to your blog. Click on it and see what it is."

I clicked.

"WOAH," we both gasped, as a naked young lady, on all fours, photographed from behind, popped up in front of us.

Not the kind of image you want to be viewing alongside your 50-year-old boss.

Silence.

Then the boss collapsed laughing as the rest of the office came dashing over to have a gander.

"Oh my god," cried Neil, doubling over. "You've somehow got linked to a porn site. From Birmingham of all places. Porn from Brum!"

We called Dan, our IT Man, over to investigate the problem, but after 20 excruciating minutes of clicking through various photographs (not the kind of content you particularly want to be viewing while sat next to a straight-laced IT man!) he was none the wiser.

"It appears that this website is somehow directing people to your blog, but I can't see how or why, and I can't find any direct links," said Dan. "You moderate all the comments that come into your blog anyway so they can't post anything on here.

"So basically, just enjoy all the extra hits until it dies down."

So it looks like I have a new audience. Greetings to you if you have just been referred here from that adult website, and apologies but you'll find the content slightly tamer.

More capering at the markets

"I was the baby under the counter. I have been in this building every day of my life."

Those were the words of florist and greengrocer Lorna Margett, who gestured emphatically towards the roof of Derby’s Market Hall as she made her point.

Earlier this week I wrote about how myself and photographer friend Ian 'The Hodge' Hodgkinson had fun in Derby's markets for this week's Food You Can Trust piece.

We got more than we bargained for in the form of a few saucy comments, but here's the clean version of events, that went into today's paper.

Lorna runs two stalls in the Market Hall – Mr Fruity and Flowers by Joy – as well as offering a veg box delivery service within the city. Since meeting her Hodge has already signed up to the scheme and had his first veggie box delivered to his home last night.

Above her stall hangs a sign announcing to visitors that she is "proud to support local farmers".

Lorna said: "The Market Hall was opened in 1860 and the Margetts, my ancestors, have had a fruit and veg stall here ever since.

"My parents worked in here, my mum continued during her pregnancy and when I was born she literally brought me into work and popped me under the counter."

I asked Lorna what was so special about shopping at the market.

"It’s just so personal," she said. "You get a better service because we have time to speak to our customers. I get my produce from a small independent farmer in Melbourne so I can tell you where everything has come from.

"It’s also a hell of a lot better value too."

Her views were echoed by watchmaker Linda Aston, of The Mecca, who has also been working in the Market Hall all her life alongside her family.

Linda’s 88-year-old father Michael Doyle still comes into the market every day to work on the family’s stall.

"What you get when you shop in the market is the personal touch," she said. "The traders have all got an excellent knowledge of their produce and can sell you exactly what you want.

"There are things like gluten-free sausages for those with allergies, and if you’re on a budget or you’re a student then you can buy just one sausage or one potato – not like in the supermarket where they’re all bagged up by weight or into packs of six."

Linda’s fondness for the market was touching and the other stallholders clearly had a soft spot for her too.

"There’s a fantastic community spirit in here," she said. "It’s like a little village. All the stallholders know each other and well all know what the others sell. We all help each other and we help our customers by pointing them in the right direction of the stall that can sell them exactly what they want."

For more go to our website. 

Today's Food You Can Trust feature